Emotionally Charged

I haven't figured out yet if being emotionally charged is actually a blessing or more of a curse. I guess at times it can be either one or both. I am a highly emotional person. I seem to wear my heart on my sleeve as the old cliche goes. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat; and when I shed those tears many times, if not most, I actually hate that I do that. I am not able to control that part of me that God made. Maybe I'm not supposed to, but there are times I want to be able to.

After the tears have subsided, another emotion will surface; depending on what reason caused me to cry will depend on what emotion will arrive next. Sometimes it is anger, sometimes it is fear, sometimes it is bitterness, and sometimes it is a combination of all of those plus maybe a few more. I am not sure, since I am not a psychiatrist, but I believe that is part of my defense mechanism, especially if the tears come from something that has hurt me either physically, spriritually or emotionally. Sometimes I get totally frustrated with myself because of all the different emotions that I can feel at one time.

After time passes and I am able to work through the different phases of my "emotionally charged" personality, I can get back on track and deal with whatever it is that caused the emotional tears to begin with. I will never say I get back to normal, because what is normal? I don't think I am normal; I believe that God made me in a unique and wonderful way.

So, I guess I will have to admit that who I am and my "emotionally charged" personality is a blessing because that is how God made me. Even though, sometimes, it really feels more like a curse.

A letter to Mom

Mom, what can I say? You are missed more than you will ever know. I have been scanning all of my old pictures, and there have been so many that you have been in that have made me miss you so much. And, you were always there when I needed you for Jackie and Kim. So many memories. Here you are holding Kim the week after she was born; right after giving her a bath with Jackie looking on. I remember feeling bad that she was crying after the bath, but it didn't faze you one bit. You never complained.

Do you remember the trip to Houston with Jackie and Kim in 1988? Jack drove us to Grand Rapids airport in a snowstorm with continuous whiteouts. We left around 3 in the morning. It was a long trip, but we did have a lot of fun, even when I had to walk Kim into the bathroom at the Dayton airport because she was acting up; and when Jackie, threw up all over Barb's carpet... what a nightmare that was.

And remember the trip we made to Houghton Lake? We stayed in a kitchenette at a motel called Holiday on the Lake. We played shuffleboard, went fishing, and just enjoyed the beautiful weather. You and the kids fell asleep in the back seat on our way home. I guess we were all a little tired out, but we did have fun on that trip. I was so happy that you enjoyed spending time with my kids.

You were always there when I needed you. In many ways, you helped raise my kids. They spent a lot of time with you. And you were always there for their birthdays, most Thanksgivings and every Christmas while they were growing up. I will never forget the laugh we enjoyed when their dad made the homemade strawberry ice cream, but he failed to crush the strawberries. They were like rocks. We laughed so hard. And the Christmas when you choked on the Turkey, and I had to bring you into emergency. Now that is something I would just as soon forget.


You never failed to surprise me with your antics. You were never too "old" to have fun. The kids always knew they would have fun with Grandma Fles. S0metimes I felt like I was the mother and you were the daughter. My kids always loved to spend time with their grandma and the love that they shared with you will last a lifetime.

You are truly one of the most cherished blessings that I have.

You gave me life, and you gave me love. I miss you everyday. I wish you were here to enjoy your great-grandkids. God has blessed me with two more grandchildren since the day He took you home to be with Him. On that day, I said good-bye when I had to leave for Ryan's first birthday. I told you then that I would see you again and to say hi to daddy for me. I love you and I miss you. A day doesn't go by that you are not in my thoughts.

"You and Me"

Ryan... my daughter's oldest son. What a sweet boy. He makes me feel like someone special when I see him. No matter where we are, he smiles at me and runs and always gives me a big hug and kiss. He is one of my very special blessings. A couple of weeks after I had my back surgery, while my girlfriend Ann was taking care of me, my daughter called asking if we could watch Ryan as she had school and her husband was in Grand Rapids for work. Ryan was running a temperature and couldn't go to daycare. Since he is 3 1/2 and very easy to take care of, Ann and I said that would be fine. We ended up watching him for two days. He stayed the night one night and during that time, he acquired one of my stuffed animals, a duck, since he left his dog, Bailey, at home.

He brought the duck home, and the next day, he had to bring the duck, which he thoughtfully named "you and me," his doggie, "Bailey," "Laura" the elephant, which by the way he acquired from my house in 2006, and "Alex" the bear. While he was with me, he let me know that he was going to leave Laura and Alex with me, and he would take home Bailey, which by the way is his favorite and most cherished toy, and "you and me," or "Grandma Bailey and me" if he tells someone else the duck's name. When his dad picked him up that evening, he was adament that he leave Laura and Alex; however, his dad grabbed Alex and brought him home because he wasn't sure Ryan really wanted to leave him.

However, the next time my daughter's family came over, Ryan brought me Alex the bear to keep. He wanted to share his toys with me, which I feel is wonderful for a 3 1/2 year old to even want to do. And, how special it made me feel when Ryan named the duck, "You and Me." Ryan, you are a blessing from above.

Rainbows

Rainbows... they are blessings from above. What do you think about when you see a rainbow? I think about God's promise from the Bible that He would never send another flood to destroy the earth. I also think about the myth of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, something that I will never find as an actual "pot of gold." However, I believe I have found that pot of gold in all the blessings that God has given me. He has blessed me in so many ways with my children, my grandchildren, my family, my friends, and first, and foremost, His Son, Jesus Christ. I praise Him for everything that He has given me. Everytime I see a rainbow, I think about all the blessings that I have. My "pot of gold" are the blessings that God has given me through His saving grace. Where is your "pot of gold?"

Sweetest Day

Sweetest Day... what is that? Today, I realized it was sweetest day. It brought back memories of my daughter, Kim, getting married. She was married on Sweetest Day, 2000. She was actually married on October 21, 2000; however, it was Sweetest Day. I guess that no matter what date in October sweetest day falls on (it is always the 3rd Saturday in October), I will always remember that she was married on that day. She was a beautiful bride, and it was a beautiful day. I guess that is what sweetest day is all about... something to remember... something that is special... and someone who is special. My daughter is very special to me, and I am glad that on this day in October, no matter what the actual date this Saturday falls on, will always be the day I remember that she was married. Kim, I love you... I thank God for blessing me in such a wonderful way. I thank Him for you as being my daughter and as you being my friend; you are a true blessing in my life.

Bless this Day

I woke up this morning thinking about how I don't thank God enough and glorify Him enough in my daily routine. This morning a verse came to mind, "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in in." I think that we forget somtimes that each day that we have is a gift and a blessing from God. We are not promised that we will have a tomorrow. So we need to live our lives as if today may be our last because it could be. And, in doing that, we need to remember to put our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and our Heavenly Father first on our list of priorities as we begin and end each day. This is not always easy to do. I know I fail miserably on a daily basis.

As I sit here looking out at the beauty that God has created and placed before us for pleasure, I want to remember to put Him first in my life. Not second, not third, but first. I want to glorify Him in what I do, and I want His light to shine through me. I pray for His forgiveness in not doing that on a daily basis. I will keep on striving to give Him the glory in my life. And I thank Him for this day that he has placed before me. It is truly a blessing.

Friends

I just got a call from my best friend, Ann. It is late, but she just got home and needed to check up on me. She is one of my blessings that I thank God for daily. She is there to listen to me and not judge me even if she may disagree with me. She prays for me daily, and she calls me to make sure that I am not overdoing things after my surgery. She is there for me when I am feeling sad and when I am happy. We have shared a lot of dreams, griefs and happy times together. Everyone should have a friend like Ann. We have been friends for a long time, and we will be friends for a long time to come. On a side note, she married a wonderful man who takes care of her and loves her unconditionally. After Ann and I finished our conversation, Wayne talked to me briefly, which is not unusual. By the way, he thinks that I have great legs. Not sure if I have great legs, but I know I have a GREAT friend in Ann and Wayne. I thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on me in their friendship.

Too old to blog?

This is my first attempt at blogging. Hopefully, I'm not to old to try. My daughter, Kim, and son-in-law, Rob, have been doing it, and I enjoy reading their entries and those of their friends. I have had good intentions of doing this for quite some time, but have never had the time to do it. I have been off of work since the first of July due to a herniated disk in my back that required me to have surgery on September 7. I have been spending lots of time on the couch reading, doing email, crossword puzzles and sleeping. I figured what a better time to start. Hopefully, now that I started, I will continue. I look forward to sharing all of my beautiful blessings. Most of my beautiful blessings belong to my children, Jack and Kim, and their spouses, Danielle and Rob (I think you can figure which one belongs to which... LOL), and all of their children: Destanie, who will be six on November 1, Adam, who is 3 1/2, Ruthanne, who is 6 months old (these three are belong to Jack), Ryan, who is also 3 1/2, and Noah, who is 16 months old. Well, I won't bore you anymore with this post, but I look forward to sharing more of my family and friends... by the way another important blessing in my life is my best friend Ann.